What do you do when your washer goes out? Or when you don’t have daily access to one? What do you do with your cloth if you’re in a natural disaster? Handwash? Use flats? Maybe even pins? Don’t worry. Not one bit. Because this Sister can hand wash her diapers…and so can you!

I don’t know how many of you heard about this little thing called the Flats Challenge. For the record, when it started, Kim Rosas from Dirty Diaper Laundry had maybe 30 people sign up, and she thought it would be little. By the time the challenge started, she had a good 200 or so participants! For more information on last year’s flats challenge, you can visit Dirty Diaper Laundry here, where the links for each day of the challenge are at the bottom and look here for the survey results.

For the Sisters, using flats was the easy part. We even use pins! It’s not that we’re afraid of Snappis, necessarily. We just prefer the fit of pins.

Snappi (loose fit)

Pins (tighter, neater fit!)

Another great thing about flats is that there are lots of great folds to try out! I did a lot of the origami fold when Abby was first born. But then I found that I enjoyed my flat bikini fold (the pinned fold above) more. And since the challenge? I’ve used the diaperbag fold pretty much exclusively! (Okay, part of that is due to her getting too big for the other folds. But I really do love this fold!)

Here is the link to the Diaper Bag Fold. It seems hard, but it isn’t. Why do I like this fold? It gives a LOT of leeway in fit. And I can make it smaller or larger. Or even turn my rectangle on its side to have a wider fit. I especially love that it has a super trim fit! (I still use this fold almost exclusively. Seriously. It’s that good.)

Diaper Bag Fold on Abby. SUPER trim!

Now for the really fun part. Or maybe it’s really the super hard part of the challenge? Eh, whatever. Hand washing flats and covers!!

Let me start of by explaining our situation. We have a washer and dryer, but our washer is not hooked up to a hot water heater. So at first that meant cold washes and extra rinses. I even tried baking soda and vinegar to try to get all of the detergent out! Once we switched to handmade laundry detergent, it helped some. But Abby’s diapers still had a funky odor to them, and nothing was working, not even a good overnight soak. Enter the Flats Challenge.

As I was preparing for the challenge, I saw several methods being used for hand washing. Buckets, camp bucket/washers with plungers, bath tubs…sinks. I finally decided to use the bath tub. That was hard! I basically kneaded the diapers in the water, which took a lot of upper body strength. It got them clean, though. About halfway through the challenge, I decided to use a bucket instead. I’m glad I did because as long as my “load” was relatively small, I could easily wash it with enough water without filling my ginormous tub!

Wednesday came, and my hands were super dry from all that washing. So I started using yellow rubber gloves (the ones usually used for washing dishes). Worked like a charm! Now I could get my diapers clean without making them dry or even touching the poop! It also helped me to get the poop out of the diapers better because I wasn’t scraping my hands with the cloth and was able to add extra friction without scrubbing off the top layer of skin.

Now, the one thing I did not do well during the challenge was rinsing. I used too much detergent for too little diapers, and I don’t think I got all of the detergent out once! My little girl, who usually never breaks out in a diaper rash, had a fairly bad one. Once the challenge was over, so was my resolve to not use the washing machine! Once I’m done rinsing and washing my diapers by hand, I let them rinse out in a regular wash in the washer. Nothing more, nothing less. Not even the baking soda or vinegar! And no more doing several rinses, either! My daughter’s diapers come out of the washer and go into the dryer…and they’re clean!

Two more things have helped me stick to hand washing. Unfortunately, I did neither during the challenge. The first is the wet pail. I’m sure some of you have heard of them while looking up cloth diapers…and then realized immediately that most people use the dry pail and breathed a sigh of relief. But when you’re hand washing diapers, the wet pail is your friend! I just add a little baking soda and water to the bucket, dump the diapers and cloth wipes in, and my little wet pail helps the poop and the urine break down while I wait for a little while (sometimes an hour, sometimes a few, sometimes overnight). An hour works just as well as overnight, but it depends on when I can get to it. (Sidenote: My little girl isn’t crawling yet, so I just leave it out in the bathroom. If she were more mobile, I would definitely either have a lock on it or put it somewhere she couldn’t reach.) The wet pail has saved my arms from having to do a lot more work, and I’m glad I found it! (If you’re using hemp, be careful! Soaking any natural fabric for long periods will cause more damage than good, and I highly recommend using the wet pail for shorter amounts of time. Soaking, especially with baking soda, can also ruin elastic and PUL, so avoid soaking covers for very long if at all.)

The second thing I tried after the challenge was a plunger. Using a plunger really helps agitate the diapers well enough to get the yucky out, and it definitely kept me from spending so much time trying to get the diapers washed well enough! I have a cheap one from Wal-Mart…which proceeded to rip from the super suction. There is a tear in the rubber now, but I really appreciate the fact that the suction isn’t nearly as strong. I like my torn plunger. (You can also avoid this by drilling holes into your plunger. All 3 plungers I used while hand washing tore at one point or another, but I have a feeling that if I had drilled holes into them, they wouldn’t have.)

Oh, one more thing that I found out during the flats challenge: if you wash your covers, put them in a towel, roll it up, and press. I found that kneeling on the towel worked great. Your cover should be nearly dry. This is great if your cover gets pooped on and you have a limited supply. Or if you just really like a certain one and want it usable again. Of course, now that I rinse in the washer, it really isn’t an issue, but if you’re line drying it helps a lot!

Here’s my routine again, in condensed form:

1. Soak in wet pail (cold water, use plunger to agitate a little) with baking soda for at least an hour.
2. Rinse the diapers (warm water, use plunger to agitate again) before washing
3. Wash the diapers (hot water, use plunger to agitate a LOT)
4. Quick rinse in warm or hot water (can use plunger, but it doesn’t really matter at this point)
5. Throw into the washer, usual rinse with high agitation
6. Throw in dryer
7. DONE!

Now, if you’re doing the flats and hand washing challenge, obviously using the washer and dryer isn’t an option. Make sure your diapers are rinsed out fully (no bubbles!) to prevent rashes!

In the Bucket

So there you have it. My hand washing routine. It may be a little more involved, but it takes much less time than it used to. And my diapers get cleaner! If only I’d remember to take them out of the dryer…

Maybe you aren’t about to start hand washing your diapers all the time, but do you think you would if your washer went out, if you were in a natural disaster, or even if you were on vacation? Why or why not?

This post is part of the weekly breastfeeding blog hop, hosted by The Slacker Mom, and co-hosted by The Gnome’s Mom and Happiness Redefined. This week’s topic is “Breastfeeding in the News.”

Ho hum. Oh, there was that TIME article last week. I think everyone saw it, right? Or at least saw the cover?  I guess I should give my thoughts on that.

Ahem. Breastfeeding is still controversial. Attachment parenting is still very controversial. Big surprise. Extended breastfeeding? Yep, controversial. Because everyone has a different view on it. I mean, we’re human. Even those who practice attachment parenting differ in opinion on certain things.

So last week, we found out we’re all still human. And we’ll argue over anything we can.

Motherhood should be a safe place because we’re all just trying to figure it out. It isn’t. One way will always seem better than another to you, and a completely different method will work wonders for someone else.

In all the “mommy war” hype, this is the one image that grabbed my attention. And this is the post that goes with it.

I just have one question. Are you mom enough?

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2, ESV

This Sunday (Mother’s Day, ironically), I arrived at church feeling exhausted. Overwhelmed. Frustrated. Tired. Angry. I hadn’t gotten enough sleep over the weekend due to a huge yard sale, and the day wasn’t going the way I imagined it should. I was short-tempered with my children, and nothing like the mother I want to be.

The verse above was the main focus of my pastor’s Mother’s Day sermon, and it was just what I needed to hear. For whatever reason I’ve never thought about the above verses in relation to parenting, but I find them so appropriate. I need endurance for this race! And the only way I’m getting through is if I set my eyes on Jesus.

I love the fact that Jesus is the perfecter of our faith. It brings tears to my eyes, it overwhelms me so. He perfects my faith. Praise God! How much I need that, in my sinful, selfish mess.

What joy we have before us, too! To stand before Him one day, and hear Him say that we were good stewards of the sweet blessings entrusted to us. To hear Him say that He saw it when we made diaper changing, children bathing, nursing sessions, cuddle fests, mopping floors, and yes, even laundry worship because we did it all for His glory,.. Unspeakable joy.

I fail every day. I need His forgiveness every moment. I’ve asked my children repeatedly to forgive me for focusing on myself instead of on Christ. I pray that I will make all the daily acts worship, and that they will see that I loved them and my Savior enough to allow Him to use them to sanctify me. I want to cast aside all the weights and sins that drag me down (my own selfish desires) and run with endurance!

Do you ever feel discouraged as a parent? What verses bring you comfort and inspire you to “run with endurance”?

Here’s Mama’s Promise from the Earth Mama Angel Baby site:

Safe, organic products that work. Naturally.

Earth Mama Angel Baby’s safe, zero toxin herbal products support mamas and babies through the entire miraculous birth process, offering nature’s perfect solutions to perfectly natural pregnancy discomforts.

Combining generations of women’s wisdom and traditional plant medicine with the safety and assurances of contemporary evidence based research, Mama created the only complete line of zero toxin, hospital recommended organic and natural herbal products and USDA Certified 100% Organic teas specifically formulated to support women throughout the common discomforts of childbirth, from pregnancy through labor, postpartum recovery, breastfeeding, baby care and even the loss of a baby. All of Earth Mama Angel Baby® products are made with only pure, natural worry-free ingredients. And every Earth Mama Angel Baby product rates a zero for toxins on the respected Skin Deep database; the best rating a product can receive.

Cruelty-free, certified vegan, kosher, and 100% free from toxic ingredients — that means no Quaternium-15, 1,4-Dioxane, formaldehyde, phthalates, petrochemicals, parabens, SLS, artificial preservatives, artificial fragrances or dyes. Pure natural products for pure, natural mamas and babies. Zero Toxins. Hospital Recommended. Safe for Pregnancy, Ideal for the Whole Family.

Mama’s promise is to offer only safe, pure, natural products that work. If it doesn’t measure up to Mama’s standards, it doesn’t leave the building. Promise.

I was beyond excited to receive their Earth Mama Body Butter and Peaceful Mama Tea for review because I knew before I even received the package that I would be receiving quality products that far surpass those found in the stores around here.

I've had the Body Butter for almost a month, and I've really only used that much! So worth the price!

I first looked at the Earth Mama Body Butter. After all, I couldn’t very well boil some tea at the post office!

Earth Mama® Body Butter Contains Organic Ingredients and is certified to the NSF/ANSI 305 Standard. Earth Mama Body Butter combines organic Borage oil and Neroli pure essential oil with rich Shea butter in a safe-for-pregnancy blend that won’t aggravate morning sickness. It’s vegan, cruelty-free, zero toxin and it’s the purest, most luxurious lotion for pregnancy stretch marks you’ll find.

You’ll love it for moisturizing and encouraging your skin’s natural elasticity as your beautiful belly grows, but you’ll appreciate it long after the birth of your angel baby! For expectant bellies, breasts and WAY beyond.

The first thing that I noticed about the Body Butter was how easy it is to open! After having to twist lotion tops for what feels like forever sometimes, I was amazed at how easily the Body Butter top opened. Just one little half-twist and it’s ready to use!

Of course I tried some on my hands right away. The scent is nice and light with a hint of ginger, which is a miracle worker at calming queasy tummies. While the lotion is thinner than most, it moisturizes well and absorbs quickly. When I say that it moisturizes well, I mean that the day I put it on, I had a slight itchy spot on my stomach. Since that day, I haven’t had any, even when I don’t apply the lotion for a day. If I feel itchy anywhere on my body, I put some there and know that I won’t deal with it for at least several days if ever again. I’m one of those women who will get stretch marks no matter what, but at least the ones I do have don’t itch!

My favorite of the two is the Organic Peaceful Mama Tea. Mostly because I know that if I drink a cup while stressed or upset, I’ll mellow out, calm down, and will be able to think again.

Formulated with tension easing Lemon Balm, calcium rich Oat Straw, calming Chamomile, and a whiff of Red Raspberry Leaf and Orange Peel to ensure you a comforting cuppa! Enjoy a relaxing cup of Peaceful Mama Tea before bedtime. Then settle down, be at peace and marvel that you are growing your beautiful angel baby, naturally.

All Earth Mama Angel Baby teas are naturally caffeine free, in biodegradable, easy to brew tea bags with compostable overwrap, and the 100% recycled and recyclable cartons were produced using wind energy. Steep, sip and enjoy!

Early on when I was still breastfeeding Abby, I would drink a cup if nursing was wearing me out. I’d be able to reassess the situation and connect better with Abby after a cup, and I think that having the tea helped me to nurse her for as long as I did. Since she is starting to own her toddlerhood, I’m very thankful for a nice, calming cup of tea at the end of the day!

One note of interest: if you boil the water and then steep the tea, it will be much stronger than if you just use microwaved water. When I boil the tea, I have a hard time staying awake for much longer. In fact, I’ve fallen asleep within 30 minutes of drinking a cup…without planning on going to bed! If I just warm the water, I calm down but can keep going. I’ve also steeped the bags twice with the only difference being the strength of the tea.

Bottom line? I highly recommend both products not only to pregnant mamas but to any mama! I have a feeling that I’ll be using both long after this pregnancy, and you definitely don’t have to be pregnant to enjoy either. The Body Butter is great for newly-shaved legs, and I think every mama could use some Peaceful Mama Tea at times. So go ahead and enter the giveaway below for both!

Buy:

You can buy the Earth Mama Body Butter for $10.95 for 4 oz. or $19.95 for 8 oz.

You can also buy the Organic Peaceful Mama Tea for $5.97 (16 tea bags).

Win:

One of our US or Canadaian readers will win both the Earth Mama Body Butter and the

Organic Peaceful Mama Tea! Just fill out the Rafflecopter form below to enter!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

If you aren’t familiar with the challenge, you should click on the link above, but the idea is pretty simple. For seven days, can you use only flat diapers, wash them by hand and line dry them? I participated last year, with two in cloth, and believe me, the “challenge” part of that name is appropriate! It’s not easy.

So why would anyone do it? Last year I was horrified to read news stories detailing the fact that struggling parents often made desperate decisions trying to stretch out their disposable diaper purchases. Leaving babies in wet or poopy diapers for hours extra because they knew they only had a certain amount of diapers left… Some even confessed to trying to rinse out and air dry soiled diapers to re-use. I felt sick to my stomach. Those poor babies. And the poor parents who felt like they had no other choice. Currently there are no government programs that help with the cost of diapers, and even if you buy the cheapest diapers possible (which often work so poorly that it feels like there is no point in buying them), the dollars can quickly add up. For families struggling to buy daily necessities, this can put them in a dangerous situation.

Kim at Dirty Diaper Laundry had the idea for the Flats and Handwashing Challenge as a response to this problem. Could we show these struggling parents that if they can’t afford disposable diapers, they have other options? Even if they don’t have a washer and dryer?

Last year was an eye-opening experience. My washer and dryer looked so stinkin’ beautiful at the end of that week! I saw that this wasn’t an easy solution, by any means. Handwashing was hard. But it was doable. As I went through the week, it got easier. I learned better techniques for washing, not only from my own experience, but also through the support and information shared by others going through the challenge. We’ve really forgotten some skills with all our modern conveniences!

My kids did enjoy line helping me hang the diapers on the line to dry, though!

This year I hope to learn even more about ways to make handwashing easier and more effective, so I can share that information with others. I also hope that by participating in the challenge and blogging about it, I can bring awareness to this option for families struggling to get by.

To that end, I’ll be sharing lots of posts with you during the week. I’ll share pictures of my washing and drying set up, fun flat folds I’m trying out, and probably a fair amount of exhaustion too! It’s also going to be interesting that the first two days of the challenge I’ll be out of town visiting family!

Are you participating in the Flats and Handwashing Challenge? Why or why not? If you are participating, what aspect are you most nervous about?

Movement:

Lily is starting to kick at my ribs, and she moves from right under them to right on top of my bladder. Now that she’s running out of room (and starting to get into position!), I have a feeling that things are going to get, um, fun. Fun fact: Abby would calm down if I drank caffeine. Lily winds up when I do.

Symptoms:

I still have trouble remembering that I’m pregnant and should be taking it easy for the most part. Instead, I still feel like I can and should be doing everything I have been doing…and then wondering why I’m exhausted at the end of the day! I’m pretty sure I still have the dreaded hemhorroids, and I’m experiencing some swelling at times. But overall I still feel pretty great, and I’m definitely counting my blessings in that!

Weight Gain:

Okay, I’m stoked about this one! I gained nearly 60 pounds total with Abby (even though I needed to gain 20 of those pounds bc I had been eating poorly pre-pregnancy). But. So far, I’ve gained 15 with Lily! We’ll see how long that lasts, but for now, I’m really excited!

Cravings:

I really don’t have cravings right now. Since I’m trying to limit my sugar, I’ve been craving it (and eating peanut butter instead). I do still like my pizza, but it’s not necessarily a “craving” anymore. We’ve been keeping it in the house enough lately that I think it may be satisfied…at least for now.

Thoughts on Baby Items:

I picked up the Babies ‘R Us registry “help” book from my doctor’s office yesterday just for fun. On their list that includes hundreds of items, I narrowed the “necessities” for us down to maybe 10 items. And most of them are “would be nice to have” rather than “necessary.” Because right now? All we really need are my boobs (check!) and cloth diapers (check!)

I have a confession to make. While I love my cloth diapers, babywearing, breastfeeding, and learning more ways to take care of my family well, my heart is full of other passions, too. Passions  that I forget to, neglect to share with you. Because what if it’s too much?

One of these passions is the ministry of Compassion International. Currently, they have sent several bloggers to Tanzania, one of countries where Compassion ministers. I have followed some of their previous trips, learning about children who not only live in cinder block houses with dirt floors but also the children, the families, who live in a dump in Guatemala. And my heart broke a million times over, but I didn’t share it. I didn’t because, well, how do you share heartache like that? Heartbreak that stops you in your tracks and makes you reevaluate all of your choices, all of your priorities?

But this post today from The Nester? The one that shows a little girl receiving her first doll and tells how her sister ran to get a wrap for her so she could carry her “baby” on her back? The one that reminded me of you and how we’re really just mothers? And reminds me of how a mother’s heart doesn’t just see her own children but also breaks and longs for another child that’s not of her womb but can be a child of the heart?

The truth is that our family doesn’t sponsor a child just yet. I have a million excuses as to why not, the fact that we’re still struggling to make ends meet ourselves being the first. But. When I see these children, when I see how they live daily, I can’t help but feel ridiculously rich. And why wouldn’t I help even one of them? Just one? To have clean water, food. To get an education. To receive medical care. To have hope in the future that goes beyond financial stability and rests in God? Why wouldn’t I?

Then again, I haven’t been completely idle, either. I have prayed for a child to sponsor, for the one that our family will sponsor one day. For the family of this child, and for the resources to sponsor him or her. And I can’t wait for the day when I can send my first letter, when I can start loving on the heart-child that God has prepared me and my family for.

If you’d like to follow or catch up on the Compassion bloggers’ thoughts, you can visit their page. I also encourage you to pray, to think about loving on one of the over 100,000 children that Compassion ministers to around the world who still need a sponsor. You can sponsor as a family or as part of a group, too.

In the over nine years my husband and I have been married, we haven’t really eaten food that was good for us. Ok, if you know us, this might be less of a secret We both had a serious soda addiction. And when I say serious, I mean serious - not a paltry one or two soda a day thing, either. We both like carbs. A lot. We like sugar. A lot.

For a few years now, I’ve recognized that this was no way to live. I’ve made brief attempts to try to eat better, but mostly I’ve failed. My husband has had seasons of wanting to eat healthier too, and eventually he’s fallen back into his old eating patterns.

Thankfully, we are finally both on the same page. We are tired of eating food that is hurting us instead of helping us. We are tired of the numbers on the scales being unhealthily high. We’ve kicked the soda to the curb, and I think like most addictions, it is something we will always have to avoid, or we risk being pulled back in. The struggle now is our actual diet. We want to eat “better”, but figuring out what that should look like on a daily basis is hard.

I’m not really interested in doing any fad “diets”. I’m much more interested in making lifestyle changes that we can stick with – I want us to learn to eat real foods. Mostly meats, veggies, and fruits, avoiding processed stuff as much as possible.

We’ve been at this for about a month now, and I can honestly say that I feel so much better. Even when I was sick as a dog with bronchitis, I overall felt like I had more energy and was less achy than I used to be on a non-sick day. Not only that, but I get an immense amount of satisfaction out of feeding my family healthy foods. It’s great to go grocery shopping (with a list!) and see my cart fill up with fruits, veggies, and meat. I spend almost no time in that dreaded “middle” of the store, except for an occasional trip to the cereal aisle for old fashioned rolled oats, or to the baking aisle for some whole wheat flour.

I don’t really feel deprived either. I just finished eating a piping hot piece of fresh, homemade banana bread, made with whole wheat flour, honey, and applesauce. It was good – kind of hard to feel deprived eating that!

It hit me again today how much things have changed, when I spent 20 minutes scouring one store to try to find sausage that didn’t contain monosodium gluatamate (aka, MSG). I finally found it at my second grocery store of the day, and I was ridiculously excited.

I really believe the food we put in our bodies matters, and I am determined to do the best I can with the budget I have. Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean that we are eating 100% organic, or buying all grass-fed local beef and pastured chickens. But I have to believe eating lots of fruits, vegetables, and meat, organic or not, is better for us than eating our previous diet of sugary drinks, sugary treats, processed snacks, and carb-heavy meals.

Do you think the food we eat matters? What is your biggest obstacle to choosing healthier foods for your family? If you eat “real” foods, what are your tips for making it work?

The biggest problem that I run into with flats (and any natural fiber, really) is prepping them. Since my washer doesn’t have a hot water heater hooked up to it, I’ve gotten a bit creative with prepping inserts, prefolds, and even flats. I boil my diapers.

When I first started cloth diapering, I read several posts where mamas boiled to prep their diapers. The time that they boiled them varied, but the main “ingredients” didn’t. All you need is a stock pot (or your biggest pot), blue original Dawn dish soap, and water. I boil my inserts, flats, and prefolds (without elastic or snaps) for 45 minutes.

Two Sloomb booster inserts and an Applecheeks bamboo insert

**Please remember that boiling diapers with elastic or snaps could damage them. I did boil my sustainablebabyish multi-fitted snapless diaper along with these inserts, but I only boiled it for 25 minutes instead of the 45. Sisters ‘N Cloth does not recommend boiling diapers with elastic, snaps, or PUL.

Boiling inserts

Just a note: I’ve had the water boil out of the pot every time I’ve boiled diapers or inserts. If this happens or if too much water evaporates out of the pot, you’ll want to add more water to the pot. Of course, this does make the water stop boiling for a bit. The same is true if you’re boiling several “loads” of diapers. You’ll need to add water and a squirt of Dawn before adding more diapers.

When your diapers are finished boiling, the water will have a brown tint to it. This is especially true if you have unbleached natural fibers in the “load.” I used some kitchen utensils and my collander to get the diapers out and let them sit for a bit before trying to move them. They will be VERY hot after boiling. Then I wash/rinse them without detergent (the Dawn will be enough by itself) and dry as normal.

Voila! Your flats are ready to go, and you didn’t have to spend all day washing and drying them!

Have you ever boiled your diapers before? Did you do anything differently? Tell me about it!

Three years ago today, two days after I had found out that I had miscarried, I started having heavy cramps. And they just got worse. With no clue what was going on, my husband drove me to the emergency room. They put us in a room, explained that I was “birthing” the remnants of the pregnancy, and left us alone until I had finished.

It’s been a long three years, including another miscarriage and, thankfully, two healthy pregnancies. So far. I’ve grown up a lot. I’ve had some very dark days, especially following the second miscarriage. I’ve seen other women go through their own baby loss, from a mother who had a perfect pregnancy only to find that her son had died to a young woman who has hoped and prayed for a baby and then had a miscarriage herself.

Now, three years later, Diana from Hormonal Imbalances, has lost her twin boys much too early.

So much loss. So many hearts that should never have had to bear this burden of having their children taken from them.

But.

Three years later, I can say this. It doesn’t hurt as much. The pain, while it’s still there, doesn’t linger for as long. There is joy after sorrow. I never would have believed it, especially on the darkest days. But because I have known deep sorrow, I can know deep joy.

I’ll never forget the day when healing truly began for me. I was driving to the school where I was doing my teacher internship, and the clouds formed a blanket just above me. The day before had been very rough, and I was sure that it was going to be another hard day. Then I saw it in the clouds, a baby covered with angel wings. And I knew that God had not forgotten me, that He knew my tears and saw my hurts. That He loved me enough to show me, in my mind, my baby. With tears in my eyes, I thanked Him for loving me, and I looked at the baby until the trees covered it.

I kept my eyes glued to the spot in case I could see it again when I had passed the trees. But I didn’t see it again. Instead, I saw a baby covered in hands. Held. The tears flowed again as I drove in awe. In awe of what I had seen. In awe of God’s great love for me at that moment. In awe that He loved me enough to show me my babies. And not just to show them to me but to show me how much He loved them, too.

On days like today, that’s what I come back to. There is a long road ahead of Diana and her family, I know. There will never, ever be a day that the loss of her boys doesn’t affect her in one way or another. Mothers who have lost their babies know this. But my heartfelt prayer is that in the midst of this, they will find peace. That they will know rest. And that while they may doubt God’s love, that they will be covered in it. Most of all, I pray that God will remind them of His love in the ways He sees fit.