We tackled this topic just over a year ago here, and I laughed as I read my post from then. Because, seriously, I had no idea what one year of changes would bring. Or how much I would miss the days when we had only one kiddo to worry about. If there’s one thing that hasn’t changed, though, it’s that intimacy with kids in the house is different.
Lately, our biggest trouble is finding the time. When my husband is actually home, he’s either playing with the girls, relaxing, or sleeping. We’re working on getting Abby into her own room, but until earlier this week she and Lily were both piled into our queen sized bed with us. It was becoming an all night, every night event, which while it may work for some families, left my husband without enough sleep for the work he is doing much less for any intimate moments.
For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been making the time and the effort for those moments, whether it’s giving him a nice, long kiss unexpectedly or being dressed up for him when he comes home. It means taking advantage of longer-than-usual naps, even when I’m tired or just don’t feel like it. And, truth be told, I rarely feel like going the extra mile. So why do I do it? Because we need this.
Yes, there is a lot of stress. Yes, I wish we had more time to be alone. Yes, sometimes I let the toddler make a bigger mess just for those few extra minutes with him. But I have let those moments pass, and I see now how destructive it can be in our relationship.
However, that’s the key, isn’t it? It’s what works for us. Right now. It won’t always be this way. Things will continue to change, whether it’s more babies or less time. Gradually, though, there will be fewer babies. There will be more time. And working on our relationship now will hopefully mean that when those days come we will still know each other.
I get that it isn’t always about making time. Sometimes Mama is so mentally and physically exhausted that adding one more thing can send her over the edge! And there are many other factors as well, including hormonal changes that breastfeeding moms can have. Try it, though, and see if your Valentine doesn’t appreciate the effort.
How do you keep the romance alive? Does breastfeeding or having little ones in the house make finding time to be intimate harder?
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