I’m not going to sugar coat it. There was a major drop of of any sexual activity between me and my husband after Abby was born. I didn’t even want to think about sex for the first few months. But that’s not surprising, seeing as I had major damage down there from Abby’s birth. It wasn’t pretty, guys. I was also having to learn this new role as a mom, which at the time consumed every. single. moment. of. the. day. It was a while (a long, long while) before I was ready for intimacy again.
And then I got pregnant. Just around the time when I was finding my groove again. This meant another few months of not wanting to be touched. Then again, now that the second trimester is here my husband is a lot happier than he has been in over a year.
While I definitely did have difficulty getting my desire for sex back, I don’t think it was directly tied to breastfeeding. I do have to remind my husband that touching my breasts is a no-no, especially on days when I feel touched-out. But there are other things that affect a woman’s desire for sex after birth. Now, while I was breastfeeding on demand, I also got my period back (and therefore ovulation) a lot earlier than what many women do. I have a friend who relies on ovulation for any sort of desire for intimacy, and she didn’t ovulate until around 11 months after her baby was born! Then you also have to get used to not having the entire house to yourself all the time, which can put a damper on the mood when the baby wakes up from her nap too soon.
It’s a process, this getting used to taking care of another person. And I think it’s fair to say that while sex is still important in your relationship with your partner, it’s not always at the top of your list during that first year. Giving yourself a night “in” without the baby can do wonders for you both when you’re at your limit, and I highly recommend date nights as often as you can spare them! In reality, this is just a phase in your relationship. These little babies won’t be here relying on you for everything forever. When they’re older, you’ll have plenty of time to make up for these oh-so-hard days.