Sleep. It’s such a simple thing, but it is so important – for ourselves as parents, and for our children, that it can cause a lot of heated debates.

Before my first child was born, I hadn’t given much thought to the issue of “sleep habits.” We had a bassinet set up for her in our room next to our bed, and I assumed my daughter would sleep there peacefully, and that I would get up a few times in the night to nurse her and place her back in the bassinet, where she would peacefully sleep the rest of the night.

Ahem.

Reality? By the time we got home from the hospital, my daughter had decided to boycott the bassinet. She loved to sleep. It took me ages to get her to wake up and stay awake to nurse! But lay her in the bassinet, and within a few minutes she was wiggling, squirming, and then crying. I spent the first few nights we were home dutifully walking the floors with her. In the early mornings, after my husband had gotten up, I would collapse in bed, letting her lay next to me for a few hours of sleep, and we both slept great! But I felt guilty, like I was breaking some parenting “rule”. Finally, after several nights of this, we “caved”, and officially became a bed-sharing family.

It’s true that we hadn’t set out to be “those” parents, and for awhile I continued to worry and doubt myself. We were sleeping great – but what if I was just being selfish, and I was doing long term damage? Making it impossible for her to sleep on her own? Would I regret all these midnight cuddles and just waking up smiles, precious as they may be?

It’s been almost eight years since my oldest was born, and tonight I am typing this post with my fourth child laying on my chest asleep. In a few minutes I’ll go lay him in his crib, where he often starts the night, but when he wakes up, he’ll come to bed with me for the rest of the night.

And that’s by choice.

You see, we might have “fallen” into co-sleeping, but its no longer something I feel guilty for, and its a choice I’ve made for each of my children. I’m no longer worried that my children won’t ever sleep on their own, or that I am turning them into needy, clingy people who won’t ever be independent.

My two older girls are great sleepers. They fall asleep in their own bed, in their own room, on their own, and sleep through the night consistently (except for occasional allergy issues with my oldest). They both transitioned to their own bed between 18 months and 3 years. It was a gradual process, and was accomplished with very few, if any, tears. My third is not a good sleeper. He starts the night in his bed, but it is often a struggle, and he wakes frequently at night still, at 3 years old. But I don’t feel guilty for that. I know many parents who never co-slept with their infants, who have children that fight sleep, wake frequently, and even end up in bed with them. I’m confident he will eventually sleep all night regularly, and that there will come a time when he doesn’t need me in this way anymore.

So why have I shared all this with you?

I hope if you are an expectant parent, you will educate yourself on safe sleeping, including safe bed-sharing, and that if that is what you choose for your family, that you won’t feel the need to “hide” or feel as though you are being lazy or failing your children.

I hope if you are a co-sleeping parent, who is perhaps worried that the naysayers are right, and these days will never end, that you’ll take heart. Your children will grow, and these days are so fleeting! Enjoy them, and know that when you are both ready for the next stage, it will happen! And you just may miss all those sweet cuddles!

I hope if you are a parent who doesn’t bed-share, that you will realize that co-sleeping is safe, normal, and not harmful to children’s long term sleeping habits. I hope you will realize that families choose to co-sleep for a variety of reasons, and it doesn’t make them weak or uneducated, or their children spoiled.

Do you co-sleep? Was it an active choice, or just something that happened? If you don’t co-sleep, what do you think of those that do?

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading our posts about sleep over the last week. You can read the guest post from my sister Meg here and Jeniffer’s post about sleep here. We’ve shown three mommas who all approach sleep differently, but have all chosen to avoid cry-it-out. I hope you’ve seen that it is possible for children to learn to sleep without it!